Friday, May 6, 2011

99 Days

I dropped Bob off at LAX last night. The week went way too fast, and it was painful to have to work while he was home. When we talk to people about our long-distance relationship, we usually say that it's been easier than we expected, and the first year was especially fast. As I am sitting here to write about it, though, I have to admit that it's beginning to get to me. I hate my empty bed. I hate coming home to an empty house and spending most evenings alone. I hate that weeks go by and I'll realize that I haven't been touched affectionately. And I'm not even talking about sex; I just mean the stupid little touches that I think people need. I'm like that baby monkey with the wire mother.

It will get better soon, though! He will be in Los Angeles in July for one rotation, and then he'll do most of his other rotations in San Diego. I will never have to spend a Thanksgiving in Erie, Pennsylvania! This is definitely good. I will also say that there have been some other positive things to come out of the long-distance relationship. First, when he's a resident and never home, at least I will be able to look back at this time and know that it could be much, much worse. Bob has also been able to see some of his old friends a lot more. A friend from high school lives in Colorado, and Bob gets to see him when he drives back and forth from school each summer and fall. There's also a friend from college who lives in Cleveland that Bob gets to see much more frequently. Both guys are groomsmen, and I really like them and their wives. I am glad that Bob has such great friends who have become my friends, too. Finally, there's book club. My book club is great! I got to a point about a year ago when I knew I needed to go find something to do with myself on weeknights or I would become a cat lady. Anyway, we meet twice a month, and there's an offshoot dinner club that meets about twice a month, and I've made some really good friends. I haven't really formed any non-work relationships since college, and it was really getting to me.

Anyway, I started this post to reflect upon the fact that we will be getting married in 99 days. This is very exciting, but also kind of scary. It blows my mind that we've already been together five years, and I am happy to be spending the rest of my life with the guy. Still, I know that many marriages don't work out. It's weird to think that the person I adore now and agonize over being separated from might someday be someone I hate. I realize this is a pessimistic view, but I think it's naive to go into marriage without thinking it's a possibility. We know that marriage is not going to be easy, and ours will be especially challenging. We basically acknowledge that I will be alone with babies, possibly in a state where I know no one. This is terrifying! To this end, we have promised each other that we will go to counseling the second we feel that we're drifting, and we will not live out the plot of Angle of Repose. Also, Bob is great about managing time. I know that he may be super busy, but when he does have time, it will go to me. So yes, I'm nervous, but I'm also really, really excited. So excited that I may or may not wear my wedding band around the house. I'm not saying.

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